7.18.2005

Stuff That Has Happened.

I have been strangely derelict in my posting lately. I will blame this entirely on what my male friends have been putting me through lately. (*coughcoughyesSaikoroandBrianthismeansyoucoughcough*)
Anyway, we'll start with Brian. Since the breakup, we've been quite good friends...except that the entire physical attraction hasn't gone away for either of us. This isn't good when you are in close company for long periods of time making Otakon costumes. So Brian brought up the idea of being "friends with benefits". After thinking that over for a week or so, I decided that yeah, strangely enough that sounded pretty good. So now neither of us has to deny that physical component of our relationship, but we can break it off pretty easily should either of us find someone else. Since both of us are now single and probably staying that way for a while, it's a good solution, I think, and knowing the two of us, unlikely to end up messy.
Now, on the subject of being single, my best friend, Saikoro, who is indeed male, decided to kiss me. Now, I have known him since he was shorter than I am. That is like, a whole seven years. He is way too close as a friend (I think of him as a younger brother) to even consider dating him. So things are just going to be wierd for a while. Yeah.
I still don't understand why he had to kiss me though.

7.13.2005

Pooooool....

Finally got a day off from work, after working like seven days in a row. Eight hour days too. And I am s'posed to go to the pooool today with friends...however, is already one, and I have not yet gotten a phone call. I'm getting all antsy now. Wanna go swim...
Chu.

7.07.2005

*whew*

Okies then. No longer all hysterical. Things with Brian went okay, I guess, I'm s'posed to go over to his house later. Anyway, breakdown of events.
-I go through 8 hours of work on the verge of tears.
-I see Saikoro, Yami, and Genki, and make sure where they are and that they are expecting me...therefore with a safety net in place.
-I go to Brian's.
-As soon as he opens the door, I burst into tears, and he (prolly scared out of his mind) says nice comforting things.
-As soon as I calm down, I begin berating him about not going to Otakon.
-He is naturally puzzled.
-The more I calm down, the more he tries to get a reaction out of me. Like yelling. Or hitting.
-I succeed in making him feel horribly guilty.
-We agree that we are friends, and that is why I am going to his house today.
There is, I think, two things I need to say to him, which I arrived at after much thought and a few more tears. One being that I love him, and two, I need to ask if I would ever get another chance. I am not sure I want to hear the answer to that second question.
...I think I still need to ask it.

7.06.2005

...*heart is breaking*

...
Not like anyone reads this anyway, but...I could use some hugs right now, as I am now facing a very very lonely summer.
It seems as though tonight is going to be the end of me and Brian. Now, usually this would just result in plentiful tears and also prolly a bit of cursing. However, recently...I am out of touch with the rest of the world. I don't think I've heard from my friends in months. So tonight after I go to Brian's and we talk...if I end up in tears I don't know where I am going to go. Not home, cuz I'm just not comfortable crying in front of the computer to someone I can't see.
...this would not suck nearly so much if I didn't actually love him. And now I have no idea if anyone will go to Otakon with me.
...actually, my life pretty much sucks right now. Yeah.

7.03.2005

Happy Fourth o' July

Okies, so it's not official the fourth yet, but up where I used to live, the fireworks are always on the Saturday before anyway. It's a big family thing: like fish migrating back to their point of birth, the scions of my family pack spouses and children into cars and drive, sometimes for hours, in order to arrive at Grandma's to go see the fireworks.
The fireworks themselves were kinda half-rate. We want big clouds of sparklies high in the air. They did fountains and screaming angels, mostly. And then we packed up and headed out.
While cutting through the stream of people to walk back to Grandma's, apparently one or another of us bumped some drunk guy still holding a little plastic cup of beer. The guy immediately left the stream of people and proceeded to yell at the nearest person...who of course was me, with K-2 and another younger female cousin nearby. >.<
To my credit, I didn't even realize it. However, I've also realized that this immense level of obliviousness must be genetic. An aunt began to yell at the man for cursing at her nieces, and he turned on her. An uncle thought he was yelling at another aunt next to her, who happened to be his wife, and went after the guy...with a baby cousin in the stroller he was pushing. Yet another uncle (this one an ex-pastor) went after the guy for cursing at his sweet innocent nieces, and faced with two tall, angry uncles the drunk guy backed off. By the time we realized what was going on, it was all over. 'Cept that my uncle with the stroller still wanted to go after him. Only without the stroller this time.
So anyway, Happy Fourth of July. This is the stuff family memories are made of.