7.07.2005

*whew*

Okies then. No longer all hysterical. Things with Brian went okay, I guess, I'm s'posed to go over to his house later. Anyway, breakdown of events.
-I go through 8 hours of work on the verge of tears.
-I see Saikoro, Yami, and Genki, and make sure where they are and that they are expecting me...therefore with a safety net in place.
-I go to Brian's.
-As soon as he opens the door, I burst into tears, and he (prolly scared out of his mind) says nice comforting things.
-As soon as I calm down, I begin berating him about not going to Otakon.
-He is naturally puzzled.
-The more I calm down, the more he tries to get a reaction out of me. Like yelling. Or hitting.
-I succeed in making him feel horribly guilty.
-We agree that we are friends, and that is why I am going to his house today.
There is, I think, two things I need to say to him, which I arrived at after much thought and a few more tears. One being that I love him, and two, I need to ask if I would ever get another chance. I am not sure I want to hear the answer to that second question.
...I think I still need to ask it.

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