Screwed Up

Brian came to visit me this weekend, and well, I guess that I wasn't in perfect control of myself. I was okay on day one, nothing untoward, just a nice day together...and then I manage to screw it all up on the second day by bursting into tears no more than twenty minutes before he was supposed to leave. I was expecting to cry, but not until after he left. Gah. He started talking about finding me someone, and you'd think he'd know by now that that's a surefire way to set me off...but he'd been teasing me earlier about it and I was okay, so I guess he thought he could go further with it.
Yeah...it's not his fault. So now I made him sad that being around him makes me cry, though it's really only when he starts going on about me finding someone new. So we didn't part too well, and now I'm all anxious, cuz he hasn't been online since...gah...I almost wish I could find a way to slip him the blog address, so he could just read what I'm thinking instead of trying to figure it out on his own...
It's so damn complicated. I love him, he's realized that he has feelings for me that he can't deny, but has no idea what they actually are, and neither one of us feels comfortable trying to date other people. Because we are not together, but then we're not exactly apart either. I think part of the reason it hurts when he tries to get me to go fishing is that (to me anyway) it seems like he's trying to get me out of the way. I know better, but...wouldn't it be easier for him to go find someone new if I couldn't do anything about it, being attached to someone else?
I gave him the box, too.


At 9/19/2005 10:11:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stay at home moms find job flexibilty with virtual agencies
There's a good piece in the Des Moines Register's Careers section about a topic close to our ... It's the arrangement that the folks at Blogging Baby have with Weblogs, Inc.

Jerry Wilson
Editor & Producer
Vegas Buzz News / Radio


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